Audrey vs. The Blender

Last week I decided that what I really wanted was to have a breakfast smoothie every day for the rest of the summer. Nevermind how I came to this decision, or that I had zero experience making fruit smoothies. I would simply improvise. How hard could it be?

Cut to last Tuesday morning. Most of you know that my first breakfast smoothie improvisation experiment went about as well as everything else that morning. Which is to say not well at all. Here’s how it went down:

I loaded the blender with frozen raspberries, strawberries, and blueberries. And a dash of cream, because we had no milk. I was improvising, remember? It was totally going to be fine.

Then I blended. Don’t let the following picture deceive you. There is very little actual blending taking place.

I added ice. I added water, thinking maybe the mix needed more liquid. And still, it took a lot of blending and a lot of attempting to stir with a too-short spoon through that too-small hole in the blender lid before the fruit was broken up into a state remotely resembling “smoothie.” And I was working on a tight schedule. I so did not have time for this nonsense.

I poured the not-so-smootie into a glass, spilling a bunch on the counter in the process, and took a taste.

It was . . . not good. It was chunky. And gritty. And too tart. And the only breakfast option I had, so I drank it anyway.

Cut to Wednesday morning. I had leftover not-so-smoothie in the fridge. I stuck it back on the blender and added a few things to try to salvage it. I hit “blend.” The blade spun, but nothing happened. I tried the other buttons on the blender: Puree, Liquefy, Ice Crush. Still nothing. I decided the concoction needed to be stirred as it was blending if I was going to see any results. I also decided that stirring through the little hole in the top of the lid was just not going to cut it.

Cut to 45 seconds later. I am cursing, grabbing for paper towels to wipe off the cabinet doors, the floor, my face. I am dumping the remaining not-so-smoothie down the sink,, making the executive decision to drive-through Starbucks for breakfast. I am running my shirt downstairs for a session with the stain stick.

Nobody, not even me, is surprised by this turn of events.

Apparently, I am not so good at the breakfast smoothie improvisation.

Cut to yesterday morning. I had picked up some milk and low-fat, plain yogurt at the store. I’d seen the Pioneer Woman’s smoothie recipe and planed to try it out. Surely it would be more successful than my first attempt.

Tim had broken out the smoothie maker over the weekend and successfully made delicious daquiris, so I abandon the crappy, non-blending blender and decided to use the smoothie maker instead. The fact that I hadn’t previously thought to use the smoothie maker to make smoothies is simply a testament to my inability to think clearly first thing in the morning.

I fill the smoothie maker with 1 cup yogurt, 1 cup frozen blueberries and raspberries, a splash of milk, and a squirt of honey. I leave out the ice since the berries are kind of like little fruity ice cubes already.

I blend, stirring with the perfectly-sized smoothie-maker stirring stick. So far, everything is going much better.

I pour the concoction into a glass (the smoothie maker’s pour spout doesn’t seem to be functioning), only spilling  a little bit. I give it a taste.

It’s . . . good! Very good! Just the right combination of yogurt and fruit. Perfectly smooth. Absolutely delicious in every way.

Finally, I have successfully made a breakfast smoothie. It only took 3 attempts, 2 blending devices, and one valuable lesson about why I should never improvise in the kitchen first thing in the morning.

July 22, 2008 | Filed Under Kitchen Adventures, Photos & Videos 

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13 Responses to “Audrey vs. The Blender”

  1. RA on July 22nd, 2008

    I have to take issue with the fact that you have both a blender and a smoothie maker. Why both?

  2. Jp on July 22nd, 2008

    Aw man! You just missed the deadline for a smoothie contest sponsored by the dairy industry. Work on a kick-ass recipe for next year.

  3. Cat on July 22nd, 2008

    I think your first attempt would have worked fine if you had added less ice and more frozen yogurt/lowfat ice cream. You just needed something to make it a) creamer b) sweeter (which is what the yogurt and honey do in Pioneer Woman’s recipe.) Personally, I feel the closer you can get to ice cream the better. But that’s just me.

  4. Laurel on July 22nd, 2008

    Nothing worth having is easy, eh?

    Congrats on your smoothie success (Eventually).

  5. Britt on July 22nd, 2008

    It seems you have a Smoothie Maker which was manufactured and shipped by my very own husband from West valley City, Utah. I kid you not!

    (although Scott no longer works for Back to Basics because they moved to Wisconsin at the end of last year – he now makes folding chairs and tables so when you post about some of those, I can get all excited again).

    Anyway, to properly use the spout, you have to run the blender. It doesn’t work with the blender off. Unfortunately, whether that trick works or not, eventually the lever on the spout will break off and it will be useless.

  6. elise on July 22nd, 2008

    Ooh, I want a Smoothie Maker! How have I gone on so long without one?

    This post made me laugh, because I had a very similar experience with a blender, whilst trying to make a smoothie. When we got married, my husband and I received some items from Crate and Barrel that we ended up not needing/had duplicates of/whatever. We went to return the items, but ended up with that weird medium amount of credit – we couldn’t really look at any of the big ticket items, but we could have bought like, 100 tablecloths. We decided on a really nice, high-end blender, and about 3 months later, as I was trying to make a smoothie (and nothing would FREAKING BLEND, as you described so nicely) I started smelling something burning…and then saw smoke…and then the blender’s motor burned up.

    Yay for high-end blenders! I think the Smoothie Maker must be the way to go.

  7. Erin on July 22nd, 2008

    I’m curious. What exactly is the difference between a blender and a smoothie maker?

    That being said, I have a strong urge to run out and get stuff to make smoothies with. Maybe you could just save me some time and make me a breakfast smoothie too?

  8. the real jessie on July 22nd, 2008

    Looks yummy! I wish I had a breakfast (well, in this case snack) smoothie right now!

  9. the real jessie on July 22nd, 2008

    PS I still love those glasses!

  10. the real real jessie but secretly kat on July 22nd, 2008

    Dude. You are seriously a morning dummy. I am only here to point and laugh.

    I’m glad you finally got one to come out right!

  11. janet on July 22nd, 2008

    you totally crack me up. my advice is you put some juice (oj or whatever) into the blender first. Good to have some liquid on the blades, ya know?

  12. Julie on July 23rd, 2008

    Oh man!

    So glad that you finally got it right!
    And yea you make me laugh so hard too…

    Smoothie maker Audrey… and you were using a blender??

  13. Whip It Up Week 3: Catering to Tim’s Nostalgia : Sangria Lover on July 25th, 2008

    [...] concrete recipe. Tim’s mom, you see, is an excellent kitchen improviser. I, as we all know, am not. So to the Internet we went in search of a recipe that might resemble one of Mama Maggie’s [...]

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