- What is the point of eating breakfast if no mater what I eat — be it a flimsy piece of toast or a filling bowl of oatmeal — I am hungry again at 10 am every single day? And lunch isn’t until 1:00?
- What is a good, portable, no-prep, low-cost, healthy, mid-morning snack to bring to work?
- Is the Blackberry really all it’s cracked up to be?
- Will Verizon start offering the Blackberry Pearl in colors other than silver (boring) and pink (ew) any time soon?
- Do you think my co-worker would share a Thin Mint (or two) with me?
- How late is too late to send a belated birthday card? Does putting a lot of love and care into the creation of the card help in any way to cancel out how much you suck at mailing things on time?
- What do you think it means that my dinners for the past week consisted largely of seven-layer dip, pizza, and chips dipped in sour cream, and yet this morning I had to tighten my belt by one notch because the normal place I buckle it left it too loose?
- Was “notch” the right word to use just now, or are the holes in belts called something else?
- How much longer will I have to wait before the snow melts off the mountains and I can go hiking again?
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you three-time Bloggie Doggie winner, Ben:
Wow. I mean . . . wow, you guys. I don’t even know what to say. I can’t believe I’m here today with three whole Bloggie Doggie Awards in my paws. I never thought this day would come. All your life you work and you work to be the cutest dog you can be and you know your people appreciate your hard work, but this? Actually winning awards for being cute? This is beyond all of my wildest rabbit-chasing dreams.
Thank you guys so much. I need to thank the Academy; and my mom, for giving me a whole day on the Internet all to myself; and my Dad, for being the best dad ever; and, of course, the Internet, without which I would not be here today with these awards to my name.
I would not like to thank the kitchen for being so scary. And I would not like to thank that bucket for chasing me that one time. But I would like to thank my parents, once again, for taking care of me after that scary plane ride and protecting me from all the dangers of the world.
Oops, there’s that “wrap it up” sign. I’d better get going. If you need me, I’ll be resting regally on my ottoman, basking in the glory of my win. Crap, they really want me to stop talking now. ThanksAgainEverybodyILoveYouAsLongAsYou’reNotScary!
The guesses have stopped trickling in, so I guess it’s about time to reveal to you what I was and was not lying about.
I was on television within mere hours of being born. — True! I don’t know the circumstances exactly (I was only a few hours old, how am I supposed to remember?), but some local news crew was at the hospital doing a report of some sort on babies being born and I just so happened to be the most recently-born baby at the time. So, less than half a day into my life, my dad held me up to scream my little head off in front of bright lights and tv cameras. Something about all the screaming I did tells me I didn’t fully appreciate my fifteen minutes of fame.
I have always wanted to move out of Colorado â€” preferably to a coastal city â€” but now can hardly imagine ever moving away from the mountains. — True! It’s strange, isn’t it, how your life goals evolve as you grow older? Growing up, I swore I’d never spend my whole life in Colorado because, like, come on, how boring would that be? Who knows what the future holds, but for now Tim and I are pretty content to settle in here at the base of the Rockies and raise our future children around lots of extended family. I don’t know when that idea started to hold more appeal than the beach, but it did, and I’m feeling pretty good about it.
I was always a picky eater growing up, and refused to so much as try most vegetables. These days I am more tolerant of veggies, eggplant being one of my favorites. — Lie! Actually, most of this statement is true — I spent many evenings as a kid sitting alone at the kitchen table staring at and finally choking down a much-hated carrot that I was told to eat before joining the family to watch TV — but there is one detail that makes it a big fat lie. One time, Tim made me some eggplant parmesean, which I was eager to try in my quest to find more veggies that I like. I took one bite, gagged at the taste, and proceeded to feel nauseous for the rest of the evening. Eggplant is nasty.
I have eaten rabbit, and I enjoyed it. — True! When I was in Spain, my seÃ±ora made some grilled rabbit and rice for lunch one day. She told me what it was — in Spanish, of course, as she didn’t speak any English — as she served it, and I, temporarily forgetting what conejo meant but knowing that Anna had yet to serve me a meal I didn’t like, just smiled and took a few bites. It was delicious. Tasted like really well-seasoned chicken, cliche as that may sound. After those first few bites, my high school Spanish vocab started to come back to me and, holding my hands like rabbit ears on my head, I asked Anna, “Is conejo the little animal with the two ears, like this?” She held up two fingers and replied “Boo-nee? SÃ.”I shrugged and kept on eating because, let’s face it, it was delicious. Wouldn’t you know, later that day when I was out with mis amigas we happened to walk by a pet store kiosk in the street selling baby bunnies. Adorable ones. I looked at them and said, “Sorry for eating your cousin earlier!” And then I devoured my rabbit and rice the next time Anna made it for dinner.
I won a diversity-themed poetry contest in the seventh grade. My prize was to read my poem at the cityâ€™s MLK Day celebration and then join the mayor in leading a march from the Colorado State University campus to city hall. — Lie! It’s actually another partial truth because apparently that’s the only way I know how to lie. I won this poetry contest in 8th grade, not 7th. I got to read my poem and march with the Mayor, but I don’t think we marched to city hall . . . I don’t really remember where we ended up, probably Old Town Square, but I do know we started at the CSU Oval — a part of campus that, based on what non-students hear about the school, you would think was a major part of every student’s day-to-day life, and yet I only ever set foot in the Oval once or twice for the entire three and a half years I attended CSU.
Growing up, I was one of those kids who insisted we have funerals for every family pet that died. This resulted in a dog funeral, a rabbit funeral, a gerbil funeral, and many, many fish funerals. — Lie! Lie, lie, lie. No partial truth about it. When our first dog died, we buried her ashes out in the back yard, but there wasn’t any funeral-type service associated. We just buried her under the rocks because even though she was constantly in search of a soft place to sleep inside, in her yard the rock bed was her favorite napping spot. I did see a rabbit, a gerbil, and many, many fish of mine die, but I don’t remember doing anything special for any of them.
I love to sing karaoke every chance I get. My favorite songs to sing are â€œWide Open Spacesâ€ and â€œYou Were Mineâ€ by the Dixie Chicks. — Lie! I am really shy and thus not a big fan of karaoke. With enough drinks in me and some gal pals to sing along with, though, I could likely be persuaded to channel my inner passionate car singer, get up on stage, and belt out some Dixie Chicks songs.
When I was in elementary school, my Brownie Troupe choreographed a dance to â€œIce, Ice, Babyâ€ and performed it in a school talent show.– Lie! We did choreograph the dance, but at the very last minute — we’re talking the morning of the talent show, folks — some goodie two shoes reported that there was a bad word in the song that somehow in all our rehearsing we had failed to notice. The adults had a listen, agreed that there was, indeed, a bad word, and decided we’d better not perform lest we all get in trouble. I was really disappointed that we wouldn’t get to show off all of our hard work. (Hard work which, if I remember correctly, included a lot of us standing in a circle and doing hokey-pokey-style movements. But, hey, that was damn good for seven-year-olds!)
So, now that you know the truth, are you dying to know who the Big Winner is? The Big Winner is . . . My Mom!!!
I know, I know. You’d think she wouldn’t be allowed to win since she raised me and was, in fact, present for many of these events and thus should know the facts. But even she was stumped and only guessed one out of three truths correctly on her first try. So I gave her a second chance (as I did for many of you), and she accomplished what nobody else did — she got all three truths! So since she was (1) stumped at first and (2) the only person to guess correctly, My Mom is the Big Winner! She now has the exclusive right to brag to the world that she knows me better than the Internet. Congratulations, Mom!
First and foremost, thank you to everyone who participated in this year’s Bloggie Doggie Awards by nominating and/or voting. I’m sure all the dogs involved are happy to have had your support.
Erin and I spent the weekend tabulating the votes and casting our own votes (Note: I was the last to vote, and in one particular category there was a tie between Ben and Ted [RA’s dog, not Erin’s husband]. I want it to be known that I chose not to vote in this category as I feared my vote would be biased. I went to Erin with my dilemma, and we agreed that the best solution would be to have a completely unbiased party cast the tie-breaking vote. Ted [Erin’s husband, not RA’s dog] came through for us by carefully examining the two “finalists” and choosing his favorite. Thanks, Ted, for helping us keep the Bloggie Doggies fair!)
And the Bloggie Doggies go to . . .
In the category of Cutest Dog Photo:
In the category of Cutest Puppy Photo:
In the category of Best Photo Collage:
In the category of Best Overall Dog Post:
In the category of Best Post Written by a Dog:
Roosday-Tuesday â€” Wherein Our Hero Teaches His Sister to Blog â€” In which Kaya tells us just how much she loves mornings.
In the category of Funniest Dog Post:
Last Week, Ben Was Chased by a Bucket â€” In which Ben is chased by a bucket.
In the category of Best Roosday-Tuesday:
Our Hero Turns Two â€” In which Rufus celebrates his birthday. (I guess the Internet is a big sucker for Rufus’s puppy photos!)
In the category of Best Wednesday-Bensday!:
Special Kitchen Safety Edition â€” In which Ben instructs us on the safest way to approach the kitchen.
In the category of Best Dogarazzi:
Week 9 â€” In which Ted pleads for attention.
In the category of Best Thank Gus Itâ€™s Friday:
Thank Gus Itâ€™s the Friday before Christmas â€” In which Gus hates his look-a-like toy.
In the category of Best Zappturday:
On the Subject of Television â€” In which Zapp is confused when the television is off.
Congrats, Winers! Feel free to grab the badges associated with the award(s) you won and slap them in your sidebar with a link to the winning post or photo.
Congratulations to all the lovable dogs of the Internet who were nominated. We hope you had fun!
Last weekend my brother and his wife came to town to
hang out with us meet Smalls. They came bearing gifts: a small stuffed hedgehog for Smalls and a big stuffed frog for Ben. It’s no secret that Ben loves his frogs, and it would seem that Smalls is taking after her big brother. Both dogs love the hedgehog, but the most popular toy this week has definitely been the new frog.
Having not yet learned the whole “sharing is caring” lesson, Ben and Smalls tend to argue over who should get to play with the frog.
More often than not, the ultimate victor is Smalls.
I have a feeling this little girl is going to grow up and kick her brother’s ass at playtime.