Princess Di’s funeral was like the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister’s.

Tonight we had dinner at Jenn’s house with Jenn and Aleisha. I wasn’t feeling well, so I didn’t eat very much. After watching The Office (quoted above, just in case any of you were suddenly concerned that I had a dead sister – I don’t), we gathered up our dog (who usually gets to come along and torment Jenn’s dog) and were on our way home.

Seeing as how I only ate, like, half a dinner, Tim stopped at Wendy’s so I could get a snack to ease the rumbly in my tumbly. (I was actually feeling like I could eat something for the first time all day.)

The woman working at the drive-thru window saw Ben on my lap and gave him 3 treats! It was so sweet and surprising! (This may be a totally common thing – I don’t know because I rarely have my dog with me when I go to the drive-thru.)

Anyway, just wanted to share my (and Ben’s) happy moment of the evening. Now I’m off to do the thing I’ve been wishing I could do alllll day – sleep!

Audrey is known for having a loving side despite her average looks.

I just now happened to click on a headline about Naomi Campbell being arrested for hitting her maid with a phone or something.

I say “or something” because as I was clicking through the slideshow of pictures (as I always do first thing before reading most entertainment articles) I came across a caption that seemed so ridiculous to me that I immediately came here to make fun of it and will probably never finish reading the article (because, lets face it, I’m just not that interested in Naomi Campbell).

The caption appears under the second photo, a closeup of Ms. Campbell’s smiling face at some event she was gracing with her presence. It reads: “Supermodel Naomi Campbell is known for having a violent side despite her gorgeous looks.”

What really gets me is the word despite. As if it is unheardof that a non-ugly person would have any violent tendencies. If she’s pretty on the outside, she must be beautiful on the inside, too. It makes perfect sense!

Seriously, AOL caption writers, how in the world are “gorgeous looks” and “having a violent side” even remotely related?

Just to clear up any misconceptions all y’all non-lj people may be having

Okay, to those of you who can’t read my non-public entries (which are mostly non-public for work-related reasons), let me just clear something up. I am not pregnant. Never have been.

My superstar friend Gary read the details about “life possibly being turned upsidedown” “something that Tim and i planned to do in a few years may possibly happen in a few months” and “long puke-fest” and came to the obvious conclusion. Just in case any of the rest of you came to the same conclusion, let me reassure you that the 5-years-of-marriage-before-kids plan is still very much in effect.

Sorry for the confusion! Now see if you can piece together the other non-locked clues and make another educated guess about the thing that is stressing me out right now.

(secret message to Gary: We are a genius!)

a (probably failed) attemt at wit

1. FIRST Name? Audrey

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My godmother

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? sunday, approx 5 hours before the pain in my stomach that had originally caused me to cry finally ended with a nice long puke-fest. (okay, maybe “nice” isn’t quite the right word.)

4 DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? only when i actually try to make it look like something besides scribbles

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? turkey, hobble hobble (when I was a kid I refused to believe that turkeys actually said “gobble” not “hobble”)

6. KIDS? just my cute little boy, Ben

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? maybe.

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? you know the answer to that question already.

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? never. I don’t even know what sarcasm is.

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? well….I had them removed when I was in 4th grade, but a couple of years ago a doctor said there was still part of one of them in there. So, the answer to this question is way more complicated than yes or no.

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? maybe, but i’d rather skydive

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? fruit loops

13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? never

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? emotinoally or physically? oh. wait. the answer to both is no, so why did i even ask?

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? chocolate chip cookie dough

16. SHOE SIZE? 6

17. RED OR PINK? green

18. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU? that’s a dangerous question to ask right now

19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? T.

20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? no, they already did it

21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Brown pants, red shoes

22. LAST THING YOU ATE? tic tacs

24 IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? purple

25. FAVORITE SMELL? summertime (aka fresh-cut grass, sunscreen, swimming pools)

26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? my mother-in-law

27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? ummm…that I’m attracted to them?

28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, but not like like, just like as a friend.

29. FAVORITE DRINK? Sangria

30. FAVORITE SPORT? n/a

31. HAIR COLOR? Blonde

32. EYE COLOR? Blue

33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope

34. FAVORITE FOOD? Burritos

35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings like guys talk about getting when they go to a “massage parlor”? Umm…assuming it’s from Tim in the privacy of my home, scary movies definitely lose out on this one.

36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Stay Alive. (Stay Away from this movie. it is horrible. We only saw it because Tim got paid to.)

37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? blue

38. SUMMER OR WINTER? (see favorite smell and make an educated guess)

39. HUGS OR KISSES? mint M&Ms

40. FAVORITE DESSERTS? Key Lime Pie

41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? nobody

42 LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? nobody

43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Being Committed by Anna Maxted.

44. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? an add for Dell. stupid.

45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? The Apprentice. Boring.

46. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Birds singing on summer mornings (can you tell I’m sick of winter?)

47. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Bugs are gross and I don’t like getting smashed by stones rolling down hills, so neither.

48. THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Spain.

49. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? i can make my dog the happiest little boy in the whole world. all I have to do is come home from work.

50. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? one morning, approx 23 years ago at 9:36AM in a hospital room.

Ouch.

Note to self: A bottle of wine should never, NEVER be chased with 3.5 shots of Kaluah. Never.

When Tim asked me why I though that was a good idea I chalked it up to getting out some of the stress of the week. Then, my husband, in all of his wisdom, said, “But it still doesn’t feel much better, does it?” No, no it doesn’t. Now I’m stressed out about the possibility of my life being turned upsidedown (something that nobody on lj feels the need to leave any sort of comment – reassuring or otherwise – about. ) AND i have a headache. No, it doesn’t feel better at all.

Next Page »